Me vs. Monogamy

“It has rarely been an honored in practice; soon, it will vanish even as an ideal.”
It’s been a long drawn out and miserable day at work on a Tuesday night. You’re tired and stressed and have three more days of more tedious bullshit to look forward to at work. Before making your way home you stop off for a nice relaxing beer at your local bar and prepare to unwind all the mental crap you’ve endured during the day. As you take your first sip and let in that refreshing chill into your body, you look up and see the perfect specimen of a human being. Everything you’ve ever envisioned yourself to be with. You make eye contact… just for a second, but it’s all that’s needed for you to be immobilized with that sort-of excitement and fear. Fantasies instantly start to run wild. Finally you’ve found someone you could truly lose yourself in. All of a sudden without explanation the two of you find yourselves engaged in conversation. “Wow how did this happen” you ask yourself in your head. The two of you engage in light but apparent flirtatious banter. And then you hear those words that you’ve been secretly hoping to hear since you first made eye contact. “Can I get your number? I’d love to hang out with you sometime.” Your heart is racing, your insides are melting, and your hormones are flowing. You want to scream “just take me now.” But reality kicks in and your only response is “I can’t, I’m in a relationship.”

Yes I know that fantasy is a little cliché (or maybe a lot cliché), but I only used it to prove a point. How many of you would have responded that way if in fact you were in a relationship? For some of us, maybe even most, it sucks to have to give up something you feel is right for you, especially when it comes to someone you’re sexually attracted to. There are some who can’t do it, or those who just choose not to. It’s a well known fact that infidelity exists and not just limited to being a man or woman thing. Researchers have estimated that 44% of marriages have been subjected to infidelity, and an average of 71% of people would have an affair if they knew for sure they would not get caught. And if those stats don’t catch your attention, how about this one? AshleyMadison.com is a site designed to provide discretion for men and women in committed relationships to have affairs. It has close to 11 million members. I in no way advocate cheating but only acknowledge that it is more frequent then you might want to believe.

But this isn’t really about people who are unfaithful; it’s about questioning the lifestyle of monogamy. So why talk about cheaters? These people already make a mockery of the lifestyle and have been doing so for a very long time. Due to the frequency in infidelity throughout the country, French author Jacques Attali made this statement years ago, “monogamy has rarely been honored in practice; soon, it will vanish even as an ideal.” Like I said earlier, there are people out there who just can’t or won’t say no to sexual temptation but here’s my question, why should we really have to? We as Americans are selfish by design. When we meet that person for which we’ve decided to spend the rest our life with, they are subconsciously given the task of satisfying all of our needs, including but not limited to emotional and financial stability and sexual satisfaction, because deep down that is what we want and expect of our partner. During the course of a long term relationship we tend to be over demanding of our partner which may cause them to stray because of unneeded pressure, or may even cause you to stray when you aren’t getting everything you want. The truth is it is very difficult to satisfy ALL the needs of another person ALL the time. There are those who would go as far as to say that it’s unrealistic. For some I would agree but more realistically I will say that I think it’s more of an unnecessary burden we give ourselves and our partners.

People tend to think that because I’m against living a monogamous lifestyle, then I must be a male whore. That isn’t true in the least bit although I honestly see nothing wrong with that, just as long as you stay clean and don’t sleep around behind someone else’s back. I may not want to depend entirely on one person for all my needs but that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to fuck everything with a vagina. I not only have standards like anybody else and hold on very tightly to them, but I also have no desire to want to deal with a crap ton of women at one time. The ideal of monogamy relates a lot to what I discussed in my marriage piece. Everyone wants to find that perfect someone to call husband or wife to live out their days basking in their love, but allow me to ask this. Why do we assume that we only have a certain kind of love for one person? Even more so, being in a relationship does not and will not stop you or your partner from being attracted to other people. So in a world with a population of over 6.5 billion people I will never understand the desire people have to limit themselves to just enjoying the benefits of one person. "938"